Mixed Emotions
by Ms.LucyWeasly
Summary: Confused, Leah's from Beauxbatons but isn't at Hogwarts, she's running her shop in Hogsmead and all of her mixed emotions come flowing back to her when a student from the school her own age turns up at the shop. Rated M for SEXUAL CONTENT and self harm.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I'm not JK Rowling and I own none of these characters…etc. etc

Hey guys this is just a one off that I wrote when I had really mixed feelings, please review coz I dunno whether I should keep this one going or not. Enjoy!

Leah was just packing up her shop for the night when the bell on the door sounded. She turned around surprised at who would still be out shopping at this time. Her eyes fell upon the tall, but not so tall, redhead looking near the front on the shop. She smiled as he turned around, she didn't know his name but she knew that he must go to school up at Hogwarts.

She had just moved from France she'd gone to Beauxbatons. Madame Maxime reviewed all of her work and advised her that she needn't go to Hogwarts.

'Hi um……I was just wondering what you sold here.' He obviously hadn't come here because he needed supplies. She looked straight into his eyes, she noticed a flicker of green between the hazel, she looked deeper and saw such an unexplainable emotion she fell in love. She didn't make much sense when she answered ' nomush.' She could've slapped herself! How could she act like a total idiot in front of the sexiest guy she'd ever laid eyes on.

'Erm. Pardon?' He looked so cute when he was confused. Stop it! He's a customer and you're going to freak him out if you just rip off your clothes and beg him to take you. 'You don't need to beg.' He said grinning. She felt her eyes widen in horror. Oh my god she said that out loud.

She smiled sheepishly and told him to wait out the back while she locked up.

Once he was out of view she gripped the counter hard as her legs gave way. She built back her strength, quickly closed the shop blinds and locked the doors.

As she slowly walked into the back room she tried not to look over excited, so she let a small seductive smile creep up to her lips. He was sitting on the couch looking like he lived there.

His eyes begged for her to come over and join him, and she went happily. As she entered into his arms length, he snatched her from the ground and sat her on his lap, facing him with her legs on either side of him. She'd done many of things with guys but she'd never gone the whole way. She was nervous but something inside of her told her what to do.

As she leant down and pressed her lips onto his soft luscious ones she felt something in her stomach erupt. She felt different, in control, she guided his hands up her skirt and onto the back of her arse.

He squeezed hard as she let out a moan, he was turned on instantly, and she felt him bulge underneath her. He only just realized that he wasn't squeezing her arse through her underwear, but actually squeezing her arse. He couldn't believe it; she'd actually taken off her lingerie before entering the room.

He smiled to himself as her hands wandered down to his belt and fumbled with the buckle before diving to undo everything else he was wearing. Once he was fully out of his pants she took advantage and sat down straight away.

He moaned as he felt himself go into her. She didn't know what she had been expecting but this wasn't pure pleasure, it hurt! Ron noticed that her face had gone ghostly white; something was wrong so he knew that he was hurting her.

He wasn't sure what to do so he immediately stopped. She felt her back give way and her head fell onto his chest, she was breathing in deeply but it seemed like she wasn't getting any oxygen. It was then she realized that she had to try again.

Ron tried to object and told her that she didn't have to go through with it and that he understood.

She shook her head as she prepared to try again. He was taken by surprise as she thrust herself down onto him and felt her pain come racing back. She let her hips grind deeper and deeper into his own and very slowly her pain turned to delight.

She grinned and he knew that it was working for her. She slowed herself down and he nuzzled his head in her chest.

After half an hour Ron stood up. 'I'm really sorry babe; I have to get back to Hogwarts. But I promise I'll come back tomorrow.' He kissed her gently on her forehead and departed.

She felt empty; she had just given away her innocence to the person walking out the door. She looked around; the couch was covered in blood. Oh my god, I made all this.

She walked upstairs into the kitchen, she lived above the shop with her brother but he was at the Three Broomsticks with his mates. She snatched up her wand from next to the sink and ran down the stairs, flicking her wand at anything that was out of place. She reached the blood and it disappeared with a wave of her wand.

She felt confused so she stumbled over to her desk and slumped in her chair, she had thoughts of writing in her diary but she couldn't find her quill. Her eyes scanned her shelves and they located a muggle artifact that her parents had sent her.

The note was still attached, it read "Le bien-aimé ceci est un compas, les moldus l'utilisent pour dessiner des cercles j'ai pensé pourrait vous essayer peut-être et pourrait le vendre à votre atelier. J'entends quelques sorciers britanniques deviennent fou pour les objets de moldu. Aimer la maman"

Translated it meant "Sweetheart this is a compass, muggles use it to draw circles i thought you could maybe try and sell it in your shop. I hear some British wizards go crazy for muggle artifacts. Love mum"

She still didn't understand what it was meant for as she could never work it, so there was no way she'd put it in the shop. She stretched over and picked it up, she leant back in her chair as she examined every part of it.

She still felt very uneasy and shaky, she noticed the sharp point of the compass and drove it straight into her skin on the above of her wrist, so it was away from her veins. She felt pain come racing back but it was different from before. This time it was compelling, it also relieved her of all emotions, (whatever they were).

At first she made sure that she didn't cut deep enough for her blood to spill free but as she re-took her hand she thought about how she didn't even know his name. Her fist clenching the compass swiped once again as she felt warm blood flow smoothly over her skin.

This was giving her a great adrenaline rushes but still she needed more. She turned her arm over and dug the point right into her vein. She looked at her arms and then it hit her, this wasn't the way to deal with these feelings! She slashed again and again for being stupid enough to do it in the first place.

Leah eventually passed out on her desk surrounded in a pool of her blood, tears gently trickling down her soft cheeks.

_30 minutes later_

The lock on the front door clicked as Michael, opened the front door. He shouted out to his younger sister but she did not answer. He figured that maybe she'd gone out with a few of her friends once she'd closed the shop rather than mope around the flat all night.

He trudged up the stairs, and as he neared the first landing their living room came into view. He had planned on continuing up but something caught his eye, slouched over on the desk was his sister. At first glimpse she looked like she'd just fallen asleep but as he narrowed his eyes he saw the empty firewhisky bottles strewn across the table top.

His heart began to pump faster and faster with each step he took towards her. He saw the blood surrounding her and he broke into a run, he stumbled on the carpet and he grabbed her shoulders before turning her around.

Her eyes were shut peacefully and her cheeks were rosy, in some eyes she looked peaceful and happy. But Michael had grown up with her; he knew her better than she did herself; he saw hidden beneath all her concealment spells, depression, stress, and fear.

Fear of loosing something she'd been trying to hold on for so long, keeping it forever so now she herself had forgotten. His eyes pricked with emotion, she was 17 but she was still his baby little sister.

He muttered unknown words that were stored in the back of his mind, as he drew his wand tip over her wounds. Her face remained unchanged as her brother slumped down next to her bed after he had placed her gently down on it. He was prepared to stay with her all night in case his spell was incomplete and lifted itself.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Ok people I am really sorry to say but tests have shown that I'm NOT JK Rowling! gasp

however I will continue writing even though I own none of these characters.

Hey guys, ok I know I said that it would probably be a one off but I was bored and so I just started to write anything. Please enjoy this one.

Leah's eyes opened and she blinked away the blurriness. She sat up, her head spinning and looked around her bedroom. Sunlight was pouring through her window and resting on her bed covers. Strange, I normally close the blinds before I go to sleep she thought to herself. Hold up, I didn't go to bed last night. Confusion raced through her mind, her eyes stopped darting around the room and finished on her brother. His head was lying gently on her mattress and it looked like he'd been there all night.

All she could remember was pain, terrible and excruciating pain. What had she done, an extremely vague image floated into her mind, it was the redhead from yesterday evening, the events seemed to unfold in her mind she couldn't even remember his name, did she know it to begin with? As he walked out the door everything became fuzzy and mixed up.

She went to move her arm towards her brother, she wanted to poke him, wake him up. Her arms refused to move; she looked down at them and saw red streaks leading down to her wrist.

All of her breath seemed to have been snatched straight out of her lungs. Oh god what had happened last night. She screamed fear rushing through her body. 'Michael! Mike wake up! Please I need you, what's happening!' Her brother jumped, he slipped off his chair and held onto his little sisters bed.

'Sshhh……Lee, it's ok sweetie…shhh…' Her brothers words were comforting but they couldn't stop the flow of tears that came streaming down her cheeks. 'Michael, what did I do? Why did I do this?' Leah was panting and gasping for breath.

Yesterday afternoon had been fine, why was she so disorientated now? 'Leah I don't know why you did it, I came home about one this morning and found you lying at the desk, passed out. You drank all the alcohol and there was blood everywhere.'

His eyes were full of fear. Normally he was there to protect her; he was twenty-four so he loved to go out. However because of the large age gap he was always more experienced than her, she knew that she could ask him anything and everything and he would always help her through it.

'Michael, all I can remember is a customer, I think he was from the school. He was walking out after a few hours.' Leah's voice was cracking, and her tears floated back up to her eyes.

'Leah?' Michael looked into her eyes. 'You lost it didn't you?' He didn't even need to explain they both knew what he was talking about. The tears escaped again and rolled gently down her cheeks as she nodded.

Her brother sighed, 'oh Leah it'll be ok. I promise.' He leant forward and pulled her into a hug. She collapsed into his arms. She felt safe with him by her, protecting her. She made a pact with herself that she would never forget how her brother helped her so much through her teen years.

He let her go and examined her arms. Once again his eyes brimmed with emotion, he blinked them away. Even though he couldn't bare to see his younger sister hurt herself he must be strong for her.

'Come on, I spoke to Minerva McGonagall, she's taken over Dumbledore's place and is Headmistress for Hogwarts, and she told me that if we…well you needed anything to come up to the school at once and they would help. I think Madame Maxime talked to her and she's willing to help you because you are still the age to be in school.'

As his sister was still wearing her jeans and the tank top she'd borrowed from her brothers drawers, he let her change before returning to her room. 'It's only 7 o'clock so hold on.' She held her brothers around his waist as her wrists were too fragile to hold his arm.

Leah felt the enormously uncomfortable sensation as her brother apparated them both to the front gates of Hogwarts. They went to walk up through the gates when they were stopped by a woman with mousey brown hair.

'My name's Tonks and I have the authority to ask for your name and reason for visiting Hogwarts.' A The familiar face, Tonks, one of the guards surrounding Hogwarts appeared out of nowhere. How could I forget Michael thought frantically to himself, she seemed so very familiar.

'Oh umm… My sister and I moved a few months ago from France and she's had a bit of trouble, Professor McGonagall sent us an owl saying that if we needed help to come up to the school…And do I know you from somewhere?'

Leah obviously didn't want the world to know that she'd slashed her wrists the night before so she pulled down her sleeves and held them down with her hands.

Tonks ignored Michaels last comment, her eyes had become transfixed as she saw Leah cover her arms, 'May I please see what you just covered up?' They had to take all necessary precautions, especially after what happened last year.

'Shit.' muttered Leah, 'Leah it's ok Tonks won't tell anybody.' Leah's eyes darted between Tonks and her brother. Very slowly she lifted up her sleeves, Tonks gasped and a look of deepest sympathy spread across her face as the blotchy red scars were revealed.

'I'm sorry we just have to be very cautious.' Tonks apologised over and over as Leah pulled down her sleaves again hastily. She opened the gates and allowed them access onto the grounds. Michael went to follow Leah when he felt a hand on his shoulder, 'I _helped _you _settle _in when you first moved here, we met at The Hog's Head and had quite an eventful night, I regret leaving so early.'

It was as if Michael had been doused with freezing water, his eyes widened 'I live in the small flat above Sorcery Scrolls I run the shop with my sister. Come by in a few days.' He flashed a quick smile at her, before running to catch up with his sister who was already half way towards the castle.


End file.
